The Line of Trust
A line that can only be pushed not thrown
I use to be scared of disability (and to be honest I still am a little bit). In the past when I saw a child or adult with challenges, I shied away. Not because I was discriminating but because I didn't know how to react.
It sounds absurd to me nowadays, after being thrown into the world of disability with my son's challenges. How was I suppose to react back then? Well the same way I react to anyone else - with a smile, and a “Hi, how are you?”
Yesterday I stood on the judo mat with two lovely girls in front of me. One of them looked at me with glistening eyes, her tears being held back with all the strength.
She did not know me, I was not the lady who normally taught her, I was a stranger, and that unfamiliarity, scared her.
The other girl stood quietly opposite her. She waited for me to talk, and her anxiety was not as strong as her opponent, her trust in me already built up after a few weeks of our engagement.
I was down at the same height as the girls, at their eye level knowing not to stand above and dominate with my size.
My words were gentle and kind, and I listened to the each of the girls fears.
“I'm scared I get hurt” were the first girl’s words.
“You won't get hurt” I assured her, “ because I am not going to throw you, you are going to throw me” I said.
I have learnt through my teachings that there is nothing more exciting for a child, than to throw a fully grown adult over their shoulder. It motivates them, and gives them the “wow” feeling of being able to do it. Also I am use to being slammed onto a mat on a weekly basis by 190 pound men, so a seven year old girl is nothing for me to fear.
“But I don't know” she replied “I can't do it”
“Yes you can” I said, emphasising the “Yes” in my sentence.
“Just follow my steps”
And then I walked the girls through the throw, celebrating each move they attempted and adding a high five each time.
“Now throw me” I said to the girl, whose eyes had started to glisten with confidence rather than fear.
She grabbed my judo gi, and stepped out the throw in each step I had taught.
And then I flung myself over her shoulder, propelling myself with my own momentum.
SLAM
I hit the mat, and then held up my hand for a high five. She hit it hard with pride and her smile was infectious.
When we meet people it takes time to build trust. We cannot impose our ways of working onto them, we first need to enter their world. We need to understand a person's concerns and fears before we can push any boundary.
I have sown the seed with this amazing girl. I have developed the start of a bond. It will take time but I now know the boundary she can work within, and over time I will be able to nudge it slightly to help her grow and learn more.
The line of trust is a delicate thing. It cannot be thrown, only nudged and pushed - oh so gently. Develop it first and then that bond will take you anywhere.
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